Episode 16

Harold stared up at the bathroom ceiling, marvelling at the rather bizarre seashells-spiderwebs-canada geese repeating decorative motif running around the edges. He wanted to slide down under the water and fully immerse himself, just to see what it felt like. Needing no oxygen for respiration, he could submerge himself for as long as he liked. Teatime wanted to tell him something, though, so he had to content himself with floating in the hot scented water, deliciously defying gravity.

"You're probably wondering," Teatime began, "why your father, after leaving you in peace these many millennia, has suddenly seemed to take an interest in your education."

"I wish he hadn't," replied Harold, reaching out to fiddle with some distinctly modern-looking controls on the side of the bath. "Hey, I wonder what these do." He turned a gold-plated knob (the initials RD were engraved on it) and the water began to bubble energetically.

"Oh! Wow! A fizzy bath!"

"It's a jacuzzi," sighed Teatime, "Now do pay attention, old sock, this is important."

"OK, OK," sighed Harold, turning it off, "Sorry, you were saying?"

"There's something strange going on up here on the Brightside."

"Only one thing?" laughed Harold, "Only I could name at least -"

"Yes, yes, very funny," interrupted Teatime, "The thing is: demons are disappearing."

"Really?" Harold replied, "I bet those OGS guys are responsible, they seem pretty keen to get rid of our kind."

"No," contradicted Teatime, "It's not OGS. They can send you back to the Basement, alright, but this is different."

Harold sat up a bit and began paying attention properly. This was getting interesting.

"Different, how?"

"Well, as I said, demons are disappearing, and have been for a while. Baron Samedi is one. The demon that those frightful OGS goons that nabbed you were going after is another, and there are at least three others before that. Your father is very concerned"

"How do we know they've actually disappeared?" Harold asked, "It's not like we all keep in touch on Facebook or anything, is it?"

"Your father always knows where his children are, as you know – and he can't find Baron Samedi or the others anywhere."

This was shocking news indeed, unheard of.

"So where do I come in?" asked Harold. "I was told to come here and ensnare souls. I got one, you know? A young film star, I think she was - Lolita LaChaise. Signed up soooo easily...."

"Yes, yes, well done and all that, old bean," said Teatime dismissively, "But the real reason you're here," said Teatime, "Is to help me find out what's happening."

"Me?" Harold laughed, "Help you? That's rich, when all I seem to do is blunder straight into trouble at the first opportunity: first I manage to antagonise Baron Samedi, then get grabbed by OGS. I'm not sure that's the kind of help you need."

"I daresay we can put the former down to inexperience and the latter down to just plain bad luck." said Teatime, soothingly, "Who could have known that an OGS Spotter would just happen to be hanging around the railway station as you came through. The odds against that were pretty enormous."

"Even so," said Harold, "I don't have much real knowledge of how this place works."

"No," agreed Teatime, "But you look like a human so you can go wherever humans go. I can't wander around on my own: humans don't take kindly to animals running about the place. But if I'm with a 'human' I can be his cute pet monkey. D'you see?"

"Aaah, right!" cried Harold, "So you'll be like a detective, a bloodhound on the scent and I'll be your faithful assistant! Oh, now this could be interesting! We could have secret codes like come with me to the Casbah or something!" This looked to be way more fun than trying to get humans to turn away from the Light – as if they needed any help from him to do that, anyway.

Teatime rolled his eyes. It was going to be a long mission.